Joy: a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. (A Gift From God, that comes from hope in God.)

I am trying not to be so conscious that I become self conscious.

There is a constant battle between my head and my heart. It’s the life long tension, the civil war suspension, the Cold War of my very existence.

Mind over matter, Matter over mind, I’m in my body but I’m having an out of body experience.

In which residence, do I reside?

In the metaphoric mind palace called Holmes? Or in this deep dark melaninated tone?

Do I find solace in my despair?

Is my every action, only a reaction?

Do I hide away in my tree house, my home?

Do I look away knowing that one day I must still atone?

Listen to the bylaws of this holy temple.

Honor His great and divine word.

Be a witness to His holiness.

And His mercy shall endure.

The Lord is my light, and my salvation, whom shall I fear?

My curves entered a covenant of celibacy to undo the coercion of each cryptic caress.

I am an imperfect piece of a divine jigsaw puzzle. All of my curves, crevices, and craters cater to the specific mold created for me.

I am fighting the urge to feel bad because I have PTSD. I have a disorder that means that my body tends to have grave reactions to past traumas. In essence, I am aware of the fact that my physical body has been through a few things, and that causes a unique set of indicators that my body uses to signal to my brain that something is going on: symptoms.

My debts have been paid.

My soul has been saved.

The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?

My mind is manifesting motion so full of devotion that it magnifies the most marvelous and majestic of Messiahs

I will not be scared straight. I will not worry myself into weariness. I will not damn myself with doubt. And I will not shun myself with shame.

I am fighting the urge to think of myself as any less than royalty. The request of my life thus far has been, LORD! help me so that I may help someone else... I’m just now understanding that coming to God on my own behalf is more than in ordinance.