Living Whole(E)

What is “living whole(e)”?

Wholly: Living life wholly, to the absolute fullest potential.

Holy: Choosing to live a holy life that is unique and set apart from others.

Whole: Living life as a whole soul, neither fractured nor broken. 

I know that I am whole. I am enough. I know that I can also do better.

I have always had a strong desire to do better. I desire to give my best in any situation. I have learned that isn’t always possible, but, I still choose to try.

I had a neighbor named Jesus. He told me that “everyday is the best day ever.” He explained that every day is a day that he has never seen before. Therefore, each day is better than the last. I felt that. I live with that message in my heart.

I have lupus. I have had it my entire life but I was just recently diagnosed.

Living with a chronic illness has been tough for me. Most of the time, I feel like I am crazy or being dramatic. Even though I have used my words to consistently tell everyone around me that I am in pain, it feels like no one can hear me.

My physical pain causes me to feel sadness or anger. I don’t comprehend pain “normally” because I am always in pain. I only acknowledge the pain in my body when my mood reflects it. Unfortunately, I am almost always in pain and a rheumatologist has confirmed what may be happening.

I am continuously learning to be where I am at. Being present helps me to not become depressed by my past or fear my future.

Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I love working out. That’s been how I cope; through some sort of physical activity. Unfortunately, I’m rapidly losing my ability to depend on my physical coping mechanisms. Physically, I cannot move around like I used to without causing major issues.

I have to accept that or I will continue down this same cycle.

That’s why I am here. That is what this space is.

Welcome.

Living Whole,

E