In Front.

I am not alone. I am just in front of the line.

That used to sound impossible to me, simply because, I am a tall kid.

In the world that I have known, being the tall kid means that you are ALWAYS the last person in line.

I am grateful for spending time standing behind all of my peers, because I gained a unique perspective.

Even though, I was in the back of the line.

My Granny's Transmission & My Admission.

I have a very vivid memory of driving in my Granny’s Cadillac on our way back to her house. It was time to round up all my siblings and cousins for our after school fun!

On our way down the hill on Western Ave, as we approached 83rd st, the check engine light on my Granny’s car came on.

I heard some weird sounds from the car, and then two or three dings. For some odd reason, I said (very confidently and without missing a beat) that “it was probably her transmission.” And also without missing a beat, she told me to shut up.

Shortly after, I recall her pulling her Cadillac into the car shop on 83rd st and Western Ave. I also recall the mechanics running a diagnostic test and informing her that there was an issue with her transmission.

I remember feeling vindicated and fearful. I knew back then that I truthfully responded to what I heard, by the aid of some sort of force that is beyond myself. At that time, I did not yet have the capacity to understand what took place that day. Now, I do.

I went through drivers education at the age of roughly 15, like most Americans. I received my drivers license at the age of roughly 17, like most Americans.

I am currently 28 years old. I have not operated a vehicle on a routine basis until the past 3 years of my life.

I think that what happened on that hill - coming down Western Ave - may have had more of an impact than I would like to admit.

Also, not having access to a vehicle due to many reasons was probably an issue.

© Living Whole (E), 2024. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Eve's Garden

Eve’s garden has many colors, most see green. Her color leaves, a way to a point. In eve’s garden, green serves as a glimmer of golden light. It creates landscape that exists as a canvas that can be used to paint art.

Eve’s garden has pink flowers that bloom twice a year. Her cycle is endless and doesn’t yield to the circumstances or conditions that wither away the green leaves. The green leaves dry and crumble under the pressure of the icy white snow.

After, the dust will be washed away by waves of blue water. In eve’s garden as the leaves harden, the color is red is revealed. The blossom of red serves as a remnant of what was purple before present time gave its consequence. Few creatures possess eyes that seek her garden. I see eve’s garden.

© Living Whole (E), 2024. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

&meri

Dony took these photos of Emeri in April 2018 at the Candle Light Manor.

Dony

Emeri took these photos of Dony in April 2018 at the Candle Light Manor.

Sweet Tea.

Listen here sweet tea,

Your perception of me is not my responsibility.

It never has been and never will be.

The perception that I have was given to me.

I claim it entirely and wholly.

So guess what is your responsibility, sweet tea.

P.S. Yo! God really kept me in this situation. I had people (who I was supposed to be looking up) to tell me confidently that “You are responsible for how other people see you.” OH MY GOODNESS! I cannot imagine living life with that mindset. I literally neither control your eyeballs nor your brain. I will never try to. To me, that is being manipulative and a waste of time. All I want to do - and can do - is be me. If you see me, then you see me.

Cry Baby.

When I cry to you, your response is clarity.

God, thank you for creating me as a crybaby.

Cry; Baby.

PS: You can see rainbows thru tears.

Context Matters.

Read the whole chapter

I cannot stand a person who is quick to say “I know a verse” 

That’s the kind of person that’ll be quick to pull the trigger 

There is a reason why the verse resides within the chapter

Context matters;

Lives Black.

The Importance of Unplugging.

I’m learning to live my life Wholly.

Back in July of 2018, I was so done with social interaction that I decided to take a deep look at my social media usage.

I wasn’t upset or unpleased with myself, as much as I was upset and unpleased with how much I was GIVING of myself. 

It felt like there was a slow yet constant leak. That almost indescribable feeling ignited a determination to understand why I felt that way.

I started by mustering up the courage to cut it off! (Like a useless limb)

I thought to myself:

“NO MORE SOCIAL MEDIA! I am going dark.”

Please, try not to judge me. I tried to cleanse myself of social media before but simply deleting the apps off my phone just left me longing for crackhead style solutions. 

By this time, I needed to remove myself from that space, entirely and sincerely, in order to better understand exactly why I was so displeased.

This time, in the height of my emotion, quitting cold turkey seemed like the best option...for me!

Side bar: For the first time in my life, I made a decision out of myself, solely for myself. I made a decision simply because what was inside of me told me to. I neither checked in with anyone else, nor considered anyone else... just me, just FOR me. 

Once I was officially socially offline, I could finally check in, whole(e): pronounced as holy.

That’s where this story starts... at the bottom of this specific black hole... 

Who would’ve thought that’s where I’d be shown my calling to live whole?