A part.

A whole heart is a part.

We are whole apart.

Only God can put parts together to create a heart.

It can happen or you can go through

You can understand or be brought to

Either or, neither nor

You will come to the side of the seashore and be sure

That you take the time to listen

Do not be consumed by the glisten

Take a breath and take a step

Do not hesitate, for your are kept 

here by being a part of this all.

It doesn’t matter where you are, it doesn’t matter who you are.

You can look for alignment in the Son, moon, and the stars.

Be prayerful and patient everyday.

He will soothe evil away.

The only part that is your job is to live in love each and every day.

A whole heart is a part.

We are whole apart.

Only God can put parts together to create a heart.

Remaining in Depression is Oppression

I have a lot of reasons to be happy and work toward my happiness. However, I find myself sinking deeper into the pits of despair, now, more than ever before.

2 years ago, I moved away from almost everyone and everything that I knew. I think that I am still grieving this change. I’m baffled because I have had other opportunities to assert my independence… perhaps more lucrative opportunities… but I chose the opportunity that arose in April of 2021. I was out of Chicago, IL by July 2021.

I don’t understand how or why I am here. I am immensely grateful, but, this doesn’t negate my constant feeling of wonder. Why Lord? Why am I here? Why me?! Why am I so focused about being here right now?

I feel like I’m losing some of the pieces of myself that I truly love and admire. I don’t know how to access this new space. I am simply here. It feels like I am here all alone. 

That may be the point of it all. Being here alone. Totally and completely. I have craved this for so long yet I don’t understand what to do with all of this space. And I don’t have the keys to get in the door of the new spaces that I have cleared up. I’m not even sure the barriers that I have encountered are doors.

Maybe I am feeling overwhelmed by all this new space. Honestly, I could have the keys somewhere. I am very good at losing things. It is one of my special talents.

If I know God, like I have prayed to know God, then this is just another Emeri style of human error. I must retrace my steps. I must explore the depths of my own soul until God reminds me exactly why he brought me here.

As far as I was concerned, in this moment, heartbreak gave me the courage to step away from all that I once knew. I love the people who God has allowed me to encounter in my life. I can honestly now say that, I would not be here without the angelic nature that exists within human beings. 

I can also say that those same human beings have also cut me the deepest. Being human is walking the very thin line that lies in between those two natures. Perhaps, I was ready to explore and find more people to encounter.

Perhaps, I was a beaten and battered being who was looking for a shoulder to lean on. Perhaps I was looking for comfort and love in beings that do not contain the capacity to give me what I am seeking. I can only hope that God continues to bless me with his angelic beings. Perhaps the angelic beings who cut me did not understand that their wings are also blades.

Angels are fierce warriors. Many of the names of warriors throughout history bare the names of Angels.

Angels guard the goodness of God. Angels fight fiercely to defend the truth of every parable.

Angels do not succumb to depression. Angels cannot be defeated by oppression.

Angels are alive.
Perhaps this why. 

Define: Ammunition

Words are ammunition.

This human body is capable of launching the necessary ballistics in order to serve a life long conviction.

In light of this realization, you are suddenly a mass shooter, indiscriminately taking the lives here now and the lives that you will encounter later.

You’ve seen how to hold a pistol but you never learned what it means to be trigger happy and target all.

You’re so certain, that you catch up to anyone who gives slack. 

You didn’t even noticed the sniper with a target on your back.

Dream.

I have never and still do not have a plan for myself.

I only have dreams. I consider my dreams as much needed help.

I dream aloud.

I dream as I sleep.

I dream as I pray.

I also dream during the day.

I have a will.

I will be shown the way.

My dreams show me how to live.

Which makes it quite easy to live day by day.

I live this way so that my dreams will come true.

I hope that you can learn to live this way, too.

Evenly Odd.

Remember that even though everything feels a bit odd right now,

This will all work out for the good, as a matter of fact for the best.

Even though we remain in wonder, asking God why? How? 

Take a breath. Just keep the faith through the storm and the test. 

The odds are in your favor. 

You can rest assure and savor.

Our divine dividend is the savior.

Calm, blessed, and grateful is good behavior.

Even though, this all seems every odd; remember God.

Jeremiah 29

Living Whole(E)

What is “living whole(e)”?

Wholly: Living life wholly, to the absolute fullest potential.

Holy: Choosing to live a holy life that is unique and set apart from others.

Whole: Living life as a whole soul, neither fractured nor broken. 

I know that I am whole. I am enough. I know that I can also do better.

I have always had a strong desire to do better. I desire to give my best in any situation. I have learned that isn’t always possible, but, I still choose to try.

I had a neighbor named Jesus. He told me that “everyday is the best day ever.” He explained that every day is a day that he has never seen before. Therefore, each day is better than the last. I felt that. I live with that message in my heart.

I have lupus. I have had it my entire life but I was just recently diagnosed.

Living with a chronic illness has been tough for me. Most of the time, I feel like I am crazy or being dramatic. Even though I have used my words to consistently tell everyone around me that I am in pain, it feels like no one can hear me.

My physical pain causes me to feel sadness or anger. I don’t comprehend pain “normally” because I am always in pain. I only acknowledge the pain in my body when my mood reflects it. Unfortunately, I am almost always in pain and a rheumatologist has confirmed what may be happening.

I am continuously learning to be where I am at. Being present helps me to not become depressed by my past or fear my future.

Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I love working out. That’s been how I cope; through some sort of physical activity. Unfortunately, I’m rapidly losing my ability to depend on my physical coping mechanisms. Physically, I cannot move around like I used to without causing major issues.

I have to accept that or I will continue down this same cycle.

That’s why I am here. That is what this space is.

Welcome.

Living Whole,

E

Medusa.

I wonder if Medusa wants to be seen? 

What if her glimpse into a soul isn’t as evil as it seems?

I wonder if, over time, her story has become misconstrued as stone cold?

Does Medusa want the truth of her story to be told?

“The eyes are the window to the soul”.

I wonder if Medusa intended to create stone?

Are we sure her intentions are of despise?

Is it possible that, Medusa looks for love in the wrong eyes?

Do the hearts of those who peer into Medusa’s soul turn stone cold?

Are those eyes belonging to souls already sold?

I wonder if Medusa…

is looking for love in eyes that cannot see her.

About Sodom and Gomorrah...

The story of Sodom and Gomorrah is about the violation of consent; also known as rape. I think the twisting of this tale, over time, has proven the existence of fragile masculinity.

Speaking...

Speaking up is hard to do.

Speaking down is easy to do.

Understanding may be easy, however, empathy has been a challenging task for you.

Thus, I will always prefer to speak directly to you.

Moving forward, I suggest that you speak directly to me.

The SOS: Same Old Story.

He saw her sing a song that moved souls in a way that his voice could not. When she sang, life responded through movement of the spirit. He spoke louder, in the hope that the timbre of his voice became more symbolic of the power that he possessed. Later, he would be startled by the sound of his own echo. She whispered words of love and wisdom in the darkness of the night. Her lyrics led souls through the tunnel into the light.  

He sees her sing a song that moves souls in a way that his voice cannot. When she sings, life responds through movement of the spirit.  He speaks louder, in the hope that the timbre of his voice is more symbolic of the power that he possesses. Later, he is startled by the sound of his own echo. She whispers words of wisdom in the darkness of the night. Her lyrics lead souls through the tunnel into the light.

He will see her sing a song that will move souls in a way that his voice cannot. When she will sing, life will respond through movement of the spirit. He will speak louder in the hope that the timbre of his voice will become more symbolic of the power that he will soon possess. Later, he will be startled by the sound of his own echo. She will whisper words of wisdom in the darkness of the night. Her lyrics will lead souls through the tunnel into the light.

The Rise of the Poets.

I desire to make mainstream rap music a form of poetry, again.

I want rap music to embody the melodies of the words that are written.

I want rap music to be the integrity behind the words that are said.

I want rap music to honor all of those who are now dead.

Those who are dead by the hands of the frauds.

NOT by the words of those who pretend to be hard.

Instead of encouraging the composers who understand music,

the liars tear down and destroy the legacy of those who are gifted.

The time of liars has come to an end due to their transgressions.

I desire for hip hop to be accepted as a form of dance, as well as, expression.

I demand that we accept the athleticism and grace of dance which is performance.

I want to witness us rekindle our appreciation of art that comes from our hearts.

Electricity.

In life, I think that we learn to record or refrain from existence.

Energy is the matter that creates existence.
Existence is us. We exist as energy.
A Record is what we determine to be the proof of what exists.
A Perception is the energy that is produced when a separate form of energy is sensed by our field of perception.
A Sensation is the awareness of energy that is being perceived as separate existence.
A Thought is the energy required to enter a field of perception.
An Action is how our thoughts serve as guidance of energy toward existence as the energy is being perceived.
A Memory can be stored as a record of the energy that exists.
A Refrain is our attempt to prevent the negative perception of energy from existing.
A Projection is a given amount of energy that can appear when perceived separate energy enters our perception field.
A Contribution is the energy that is produced from Thoughts and Actions.

We begin by anticipating the denouement of the initial projection. Therefore, we contribute more energy into our projection in order to help to the collection of memory.

A positive contribution of energy is adding more positive energy to the perception that created the projection. The positive contribution will continue to conduct the necessary positive energy that the memory would need to produce a projection into existence.

A negative contribution of energy is removing energy from the perception that was initially sensed. The negative contribution will conduct negative energy that can manipulate the initial perception.

A black hole is the sum of what happens when solely negative energy is consistently contributing toward the projection, thus removing the perception of light - that is necessary to produce a projection - from existence.

Positive contributions of positive energy creates projection into existence.

The culmination of the positive energy that brings projections into existence is able to be visually registered as light.

The result of contributing solely negative energy to one specific projection is ultimately the destruction of energy from perception on the light spectrum.

Summarily speaking, there is a lot of energy necessary for a perception to be projecting, existing, and be stored as memory.

Thus, Refraining leads to the Recording that which blocks our pure Projection from existing in reality.

We have never needed any other tools to store our energy.

Please be aware that Projections are always registered as light. The existence of light casts shadows.

A shadow is a projection that consists of negative energy which is derived from the positive power of projection.

Thus, the culmination of energy that contributes negative energy to manipulate the projection is stored energy that produces a shadow.

The energy exists.

Spend your energy wisely.

Creators...

What are you creating by not respecting your own journey?

Is that art still a form of expressing yourself?

It becomes very hard to create when we do not acknowledge what we have already created.

Wimpy.

I used to struggle with my first name. This was back when I went to elementary school.

After many years of homeschooling, I couldn’t imagine responding to any other name than Emeri.

Before I struggled with my legal first name, I struggled to accept my nicknames.

Emmy, Emmy-Lou, Emmy Badu, Bam Bam, Wimpy…

I can assure you that I was confused by all of them, except for Emmy.

Specifically, I struggled with the nickname Wimpy.

It used to hurt my feelings, due to the definition. I had yet to understand irony or sarcasm.

My mother USED TO CALL ME WIMPY!
Actually typing that sounds awful… but from what I remember, my mother was using irony to acknowledge my big emotions and how I would cry through any situation.

I also remember my mom told me that it was okay to have a lot of feelings and even be scared… but the point of being scared was to conquer that feeling of fear.
My mommy was also the first person who taught me Jeremiah 29:11. When I was in children’s church (WAY back when), I even impressed the minister by being able to quote the scripture.

As my moment of reflection comes to an end, I can’t recall exactly when I came to understand the meaning of that particular nickname. Somewhere during the transition between childhood and adolescence, I began to love hearing my mom call me Wimpy. I can hear every bit of sarcasm because she has seen how brave I chose/learned to be, despite my feelings.

Wimpy still is my favorite nickname.

© Living Whole (E), 2024. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

In Front.

I am not alone. I am just in front of the line.

That used to sound impossible to me, simply because, I am a tall kid.

In the world that I have known, being the tall kid means that you are ALWAYS the last person in line.

I am grateful for spending time standing behind all of my peers, because I gained a unique perspective.

Even though, I was in the back of the line.

My Granny's Transmission & My Admission.

I have a very vivid memory of driving in my Granny’s Cadillac on our way back to her house. It was time to round up all my siblings and cousins for our after school fun!

On our way down the hill on Western Ave, as we approached 83rd st, the check engine light on my Granny’s car came on.

I heard some weird sounds from the car, and then two or three dings. For some odd reason, I said (very confidently and without missing a beat) that “it was probably her transmission.” And also without missing a beat, she told me to shut up.

Shortly after, I recall her pulling her Cadillac into the car shop on 83rd st and Western Ave. I also recall the mechanics running a diagnostic test and informing her that there was an issue with her transmission.

I remember feeling vindicated and fearful. I knew back then that I truthfully responded to what I heard, by the aid of some sort of force that is beyond myself. At that time, I did not yet have the capacity to understand what took place that day. Now, I do.

I went through drivers education at the age of roughly 15, like most Americans. I received my drivers license at the age of roughly 17, like most Americans.

I am currently 28 years old. I have not operated a vehicle on a routine basis until the past 3 years of my life.

I think that what happened on that hill - coming down Western Ave - may have had more of an impact than I would like to admit.

Also, not having access to a vehicle due to many reasons was probably an issue.

© Living Whole (E), 2024. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Eve's Garden

Eve’s garden has many colors, most see green. Her color leaves, a way to a point. In eve’s garden, green serves as a glimmer of golden light. It creates landscape that exists as a canvas that can be used to paint art.

Eve’s garden has pink flowers that bloom twice a year. Her cycle is endless and doesn’t yield to the circumstances or conditions that wither away the green leaves. The green leaves dry and crumble under the pressure of the icy white snow.

After, the dust will be washed away by waves of blue water. In eve’s garden as the leaves harden, the color is red is revealed. The blossom of red serves as a remnant of what was purple before present time gave its consequence. Few creatures possess eyes that seek her garden. I see eve’s garden.

© Living Whole (E), 2024. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

&meri

Dony took these photos of Emeri in April 2018 at the Candle Light Manor.

Dony

Emeri took these photos of Dony in April 2018 at the Candle Light Manor.

Sweet Tea.

Listen here sweet tea,

Your perception of me is not my responsibility.

It never has been and never will be.

The perception that I have was given to me.

I claim it entirely and wholly.

So guess what is your responsibility, sweet tea.

P.S. Yo! God really kept me in this situation. I had people (who I was supposed to be looking up) to tell me confidently that “You are responsible for how other people see you.” OH MY GOODNESS! I cannot imagine living life with that mindset. I literally neither control your eyeballs nor your brain. I will never try to. To me, that is being manipulative and a waste of time. All I want to do - and can do - is be me. If you see me, then you see me.